I have felt such a strong urge to write this post in the past few days as I feel I have not been completely honest about my food and diet journey, and what I am currently doing.
I have never ever been satisfied with the way I look - to be honest I don’t think anyone is. Especially in the line of work I have chosen, my body is basically my livelihood. A personal training career has always been my dream career - for as long as I can remember. And for the longest time, it was just that, a dream because I did not think my body fat percentage was low enough to be a PT, or my glutes were not big enough etc etc. There would always be a limiting belief created by myself that was standing in my way. So this stopped me from going after the career path I wanted. As a result of this, I partied too much, never dieted (I ate well, just probably too much, and the wrong food groups at the wrong times - my diet was basically 100% carbs and not much else). But I consistently showed up to the gym, and educated myself on weight training, because I just loved it, and the way it made me feel.
It was not until the beginning of this year, when I started working at a gym whilst looking for full time corporate work in London, that I actually thought - to be honest, I f**ing love it here and I feel like this is where I belong. As soon as I stepped in that gym, I just knew, and there was no turning back for me - I had to be a personal trainer. At this point I was seriously suffering with my skin issues as well, and I decided to really do some research into diets and what to eat to become shredded, that would clear my skin and give me all the energy in the world. Diets are glorified, trendy, and everyone wants to believe there is a quick fix to get them to where they want to be - so when you try and do research into optimal diets for fat loss - these are the first things you will come across. I fell right into this trap, and believed that I needed to be on some crazy restrictive diet to achieve my goals. So I basically tried out Keto on and off for 6 months, truly believing this was the answer to my fat loss conundrum. I am going to be honest, I saw great results very fast, I lost a load of weight in two weeks and my skin cleared up pretty much instantly. But I was f**ing miserable. I hated it, I was awful to be around, slowly my energy started deteriorating, I couldn’t lift as heavy as I usually would, I had no social life (which is depressing for a 22 y-o who has just moved back to London to be close to her friends), and every couple of weeks I would just go full out binge, my stomach was like an empty pit - then I would be back to square one and I would repeat the cycle again. This was really no way to live, and in my opinion, mental health is just as/if not more important than physical health, because if you are not mentally fit - you simply will not get where you want to be physically. Your mind is your most powerful muscle, if it is not keen, you wont do it.
The thing this little diet adventure did teach me however, was the importance of a balanced plate. I saw all those great results in the initial because my body had never really been used to eating a balanced macro plate in its life. So yes, increasing my protein intake and fat intake was great for my skin and my health, because our bodies thrive off this, but restricting carbs in the long run is just not something I can recommend - we need them to function, and we need them to be happy.
So from here, I decided that the carb restricting was just not for me. I then went on to believing that clean eating was THE way to achieve the figure I desired. Yes, clean eating makes you feel bloody great. I had energy again, my lifting significantly improved, I was losing weight, my skin stayed clear, I was fun to be around. But I still was not satisfied with my diet - I found every time I went out for dinner, or on holiday, no rules applied and I would still proceed to binge like crazy to the point where I felt sick. I thought it was because I was eating these unhealthy foods that my body was not used to, but in actual fact, I was honestly just stuffing myself, which ultimately was putting my body under stress.
So this takes me to where I am at now. I am going to be real, I am currently sitting at 20% body fat, which is such a healthy range for an average female. I am still trying to shed a little bit of fat, and it is working! But here is the thing, I am not actively trying, I have a goal in my head (I wont say what it is because that’s my personal goal), its not a dramatic decrease, I am just being mindful about not exceeding a certain amount of calories per day to keep me in a slight deficit that is sustainable and will help me reach my goal, and making sure I am hitting the macros that work for me. I am 99% certain I have PCOS so for me, it is good to save my carbohydrates for around my workouts. But other than that, I am just enjoying my food. I do love eating healthy, my body definitely thrives off this so I would say 80% of my diet is healthy, but if I feel like a glass of wine with my friends, I’m guna have it, if I want a date night, I’ll go for it, if I want to eat Kinder Bueno every day, I will (in moderation). I think the key is to enjoy what you are doing to get yourself to your healthy goal, be excited about it, and be excited about that treat here and there because you bloody deserve it for working hard.
I have honestly never been happier with my body than I am right now, I may not be the leanest Personal Trainer out there, but to me that is not what it is about. I do it because I want to help people, that is my true passion, I want to help people change their lives through what I truly love, and that is exercise and health.
And I believe my physique is attainable because I am the definition of your average girl. Doesn’t have abs, struggles to shift body fat and gain muscle quickly - but I have worked hard, and I have transformed my body, and I am very proud of what I have achieved, and I want to help other girls, in a world of unrealistic instagram goals - feel the same way. I am in no rush, I am just working towards a goal that is achievable for me, without decrementing my mental, social and physical health, but enhancing them.
A last note I want to put here before I will stop rambling on I promise is please do not compare yourself to what you see online. These teeny girls you see on Instagram are literally less than 1% of the population, they are not genetically normal, or they are putting themselves at risk to look like that. If you think of how many people you see face to face on a daily basis that look like that, the answer is probably less than a couple per week. Strive to be the best version of you, not someone else <3
